


A Buried Grief

by FratBoyInTraining



Category: Naruto
Genre: Asuma is bitter what's new, Canon Compliant, Introspection, Nonbinary Orochimaru (Naruto), Orochimaru was once a decentish person and you can fight me on that, actually this is just Asumas thoughts so no one has a speaking role lmao, the last two aren't named only vauged
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-04
Updated: 2020-06-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:21:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24533734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FratBoyInTraining/pseuds/FratBoyInTraining
Summary: Konoha forgets who the Sannin are to Asuma, that they were always more than just legends.After his fathers death Asuma thinks about the one member he misses most.
Relationships: Sarutobi Asuma & Orochimaru
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	A Buried Grief

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is my first fic that I've posted in a long while and my first Naruto one! I've been thinking for a while about what Orochimaru was like pre defection and ended up down a rabbit hole of how they interacted with Asuma. I'm also not sure yet, but this will probably end up a series of drabbles exploring their relationship lol.
> 
> Thanks Bean for betaing my story, I suck at catching small mistakes!
> 
> Hope you guys enjoy the story!!!<3

His fellow Shinobi forget, he thinks, about who the Sannin were, are, to him sometimes.

Some act with faux sympathy and pity about how he’s taking his father's death. What he thinks about Tsunade's candidacy. Discussing if Jiraiya should’ve been put forward or not. How it was a shame that it was that specific monster that killed the Hokage.

Monster, they call them, he thinks with bitterness.

Like they didn’t once call them a hero.

As if the kage they mourn didn’t view them as his child, even after everything.

Asuma remembers though, of how when he was younger he couldn't have been prouder to call them family. The heroes of the village, his playmates, older siblings that would ruffle his hair and bring him little trinkets. How the other kids said he was lucky that he knew the heroes of every ninja child. 

He never admitted his fear of losing them. Of how their constant presence on the war front didn’t mean death for anyone lesser. Younger him would assuage the fears, saying they were still his father's students, that they were the best.

Why would he let them die in war?

And at that point he still had faith, his father had done him no harm. He thinks, at that point, he hadn't realized what harm he'd done to them.

Despite his childhood wishes, the war still touched them all, he can remember the moment Jiraiya left. Well, not officially. No missing-nin status was given, just the hushed whispers of fights in Ame getting worse and of three going down to two. 

Jiraiya wasn't there and no matter how many stories were told about his bravery and kindness the distaste of his disloyalty never really left. So when a second betrayal came, after the death of Minato and Kushina, he wasn’t surprised. And while he may have shown up again, eventually, if he couldn’t find Asuma and his students then, well, that was just a missed opportunity. 

Such a shame.

And if, internally, the leftover bitterness had spat coward behind Jirayia's back. Well, Asuma never said he was an upfront type of man.

One thing, he thinks, his father and him share.

Tsunade, however, he never stopped admiring. She was strong and kind and everything he thought a good Shinobi should be for the most part. Her leaving never felt the same as her teammates. He could understand even that young that some tragedies leave a hole and you have to fill it before you can face what caused it. He’d seen too many people ignore it and pay the price later. After a couple of decades of seeing the truth about shinobi, her leaving didn't seem so rough. She at least saw the war through.

And she still visited, made an effort, when his father was gone or, once he'd made genin, happen to stumble across his team by 'accident'.

The hole was still there but it was closing and she cared and showed it and that's all he really could ask for. And eventually, she came back with a kind hand and a strong fist to change things for the better. Asuma would support her reign fully.

His favorite of the three, however, something he'd never said aloud, was Orochimaru. 

(Asuma regrets not saying it sometimes when he hasn’t taken a smoke break for a while and his regrets just seem to pile up)

Orochimaru was a sympathetic ear when his parents weren’t there and his antics reminded Tsunade a little too much of another boy who wouldn’t grow up. Because in seeing his students now, that’s all he was. A boy on the battlefield. 

He remembers it had been a point of pride to him when he could name all of Orochimaru's snake summons that his mom allowed near him. And a few that weren’t. 

Oro was the one to stay and the one to listen and the one to care. Not that many could see behind the eyes and scales and a facade that was like their second skin. An illusion held too long from too young an age. 

Asuma wouldn't admit it now, couldn’t, about his admiration. Not after everything that's come to light.

The Kidnappings,

The Experiments,

The Murder,

The Children.

He couldn't excuse that, wouldn't. There need to be lines drawn and he will draw his own far before his father had clearly drawn his. 

But Asuma wouldn't lie and say he hated his former idol. That sometimes he didn’t wish he could walk to Oro’s clan compound, always so painfully empty now looking back, and have one of their nice teas and make Oro’s snakes laugh. Or help them out in their lab as he did in his younger years when all he wanted to be was like the one Sannin who’d stayed and embodied the will of fire his father preached. He would even take back the few precious months of when he would drop by and tease Oro’s little genin. 

Pretend that nothing seemed to be missing or wrong.

That the looks the civilians and eventually shinobi gave weren't of distrust but admiration.

That if the Village could turn on one hero, who says they wouldn’t turn on another.

That someone he saw as his family didn’t seem to be embracing the lies told of them more and more.

He could still remember when Oro first started to pull into themselves and away from everyone else. When weekly lunches were forgotten and left uneaten. He was too young, too stupid, to realize what was happening to who he saw as the pinnacle of a ninja. That the exclusion by civilians and shinobi alike were digging under their skin. 

How the last Sannin was cracking under the pressure.

Sometimes he blames himself.

Then later, when he’s straightened out his thoughts, he remembers that the job should've been addressed by the one who saw himself as a father figure. Someone who said they cared, instead of shoving them into a lab and data and the arms of a vulture disguised as a hawk.

It's too late though, to change it. Any of it.

There was no genin but his own.

He never seemed to stop by R&D again.

The compound of his childhood was destroyed.

Tea just never seemed to taste quite right.

And he never saw a snake laugh again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading and if you want to see more naruto content from me send stuff in my askbox or browse my naruto tag at 'fratboyintraining' on tumblr!


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